Behaving Badly

[cherrywood182]

Well,
here's my tuppence worth from gleaned from several expensive management training classes.
1. Neither JohnL (nor anybody else) knows the intentions of this guy.
2. This guy does not know (for sure) the effect of his actions on JohnL.
3. This guy does not know JohnL's intentions.

So, the only way to resolve such a crisis is

1. To ask the the guy ( in a non-judgemental and polite way) what his intentions were in jibing so closely.
2. To explain to him the effect of his actions (the close jibing) on you. It scared you, or angered you or whatever.

Without these two important bits of information everything is an assumption, and either JohnL or the unknown guy could be considered the asshole depending on the true nature of the encounter.

So, with the information given in this thread, here is another scenario that fits:

1. Mystery guy jibes close to JohnL coz he thinks he recognizes him as a buddy that likes playing close jibing games.
2. Mystery guy realizes his mistake too late, but has to continue the jibe due to lack of space or whatever.
3. JohnL shouts at mystery guy, and this scares him, so he automatically gets defensive and swears (probably coz he was beaten by his dad as a kid).
4. Mystery guy encounters scary JohnL later in the day and tries to beat upwind to apologize.
5. JohnL bears down on him and crashes into him.
6. Mystery guy is now seriously frightened and avoids JohnL the rest of the day.

Now, we are all sympathetic to JohnL in this thread for 2 reasons. First, we know his intentions are not to go after this guy, and 2, the effect of the encounter was to scare him and make him angry. We know nothing about the other guy, so it is easy to demonize him and make him out to be the bad guy (ok, there is anecdotal evidence that the same guy may have done this before, but we don't know for a fact).

I know it is hard to do this in practice when the juice is flowing, but the effects can be dramatic. I tried it when I had a parking place stolen from under my nose. I was pissed, but I went up to the guy and told him that I had been waiting for the spot and that I felt it was unfair that he took it from me. I said it politely and without judgement (I didn't call him an asshole, and made no assumptions about his intentions. I was prepared to accept whatever he said and walk away from it). I was floored when he appologized profusely, told me it was not his intention to take the spot from me and he didn't realize I was waiting for it. He drove away and parked somewhere else.

I think this is called RESPECT.

[bludyell]

tuppence?
tuppence?

Bollocks - more like a crown mate!

[bludyell]

BTW madspaniard - thanks; now I have to dry out my underwear!

[coachg]

Jfjfjfjf,

I’m not siding with anyone here. There are two sides to every story and since I didn’t observe the event, I posted no comment. But your post demonstrates quite a bit of hostility and intolerance, thus my comment. Some of my best friends are kiters, and based on your opinion that makes them a jerk? I go windsurfing to have fun, the last thing I want to see in the Delta are people like you and edscott who are intolerant of beginners and intermediates for making mistakes, as if you were never one yourself. If someone is struggling or obviously trying something new, I give them ROW, it’s no big deal. There is plenty of space for everyone there.

And no, I never swear at anyone. Including the rookie kiter who came blasting through the windsurf line out of control Tues. I just waited in the playpen until he passed.

Coachg

[windoggi]

[johnl]

Wow, PLEASE guys, don't start fighting here, that was not my intent.

But on the flip side, I thought I gave enough information, but just in case I didn't.

I don't have a problem with the distance he DID his jibe. He was 8 - 10 feet away and about 1/2 way between me and the jetty. That scared, frightened, angered me was that he was that close to me BEFORE the jibe.

Had he said ANYTHING non-confrontational (sorry, didn't see you, thought you were a friend of mine, etc) I would have just let it go. His first, immediate response was none of these and was pure attitude.

I did not scream or yell at him, just raised my voice loud enough to be heard (which I believe he heard, but I can't say if he actually heard what I said or thought I said something else).

I have no doubt what so ever that his rendition would be different. I have tried to present what happened in a factual maner (too many years of righting factual reports) from my point of view. But as somebody else has said there are as many observations as there are people observing.

But to say I was stalking him???? Come on, don't make up stuff to justify your opinion, try sticking to the facts or at least REASONABLE variations of those facts.....

While there can be a lot of reasons one can give for coming that close to a swimmer in the water, there are just as many alternatives. Such as bearing up wind, falling in the water, tacking, etc. We have all had to do such things. If he was that close to me that he didn't have those choices (such as what happened when I ran into him) then the question comes up WHY would anybody follow that close to another when it is just the two of you on that reach? Why endanger somebody just for a jibe?

I was about 1/2 - 1/3 way upwind from the Access launch to the playpen jetty, so I was NOT in the launch area, but even if I had been, there was nobody launching, so that should not be an issue.....

Anyway, enough additional information.

I thank those who were supportive of this, also thank those who shared their issues with others, also thank those who thought of other alternatives to handle it (always easier to days after the event than during the event).

[ShreddinEd]

Q: How does one exceed 1100 posts on iWindsurf?

A:

[jse]

Best way to avoid confrontations on the water and excessively long threads on iW: Give the guy one free pass. If it happens again, then have words. That's always worked for me.

Steve