How high can baby fly

motherofjehu · Joined: 04 Sep 1998 Posts: 17

Tourists at the event site are simply interested in extreme sports for infants and toddlers. The well established sport of Toddler Water Speed Bumps is being practiced on a daily basis. However, there are many other baby extreme sports available. Examples:
Baby Buoy: Attached those water wing things to Rex juniors arms and float him out as a jibe marker. If you biff your jibe, be sure and give him a chin nuggie just to let him know you are there for him.
Obstacle Course: Especially fitting for crawlers. See how fast baby can move through boards, sails and other equipment in high winds without being taken out with unsecured gear.
Stroller Races: Line up strollers on top of hill at Event Site. Let them go. First one to hit the water wins. Advanced technique: attach sail to stroller.
Dog Drag: Tie Shred Jr. to labrador retriever. Throw ball.
Barge Baiting: A variation on Baby Buoy. Have fun seeing if barge captain will really stop if floating baby is in the way.
Kiddie Kiting: Tie kite to baby stroller or car seat on sand bar. Watch out for gusts! Advanced technique: Bridge hopping. Collect kid in Mosier.
For older toddlers:
Rock Toss: Practice this at home. Teach kid to aim for windsurfer's head or brand new board. Come the revolution, a skill that will last a lifetime.
Wack-a-mole: Hold Rip Jr. under water in path of incoming windsurfer. Release kid. Works especially well with those water wingy things.
Don't forget the helmet!

isobars · Joined: 12 Dec 1999 Posts: 20935

Convince Baby that goose crap is great stuff, the new M&Ms. Then release them for the Great Goose Splooge Eating Contest. Makes Baby happy and cleans up the site.

The Baby Toss: Line up a few dozen large, rigged, untethered sails in the gusty sideshore midday wind. Place one infant on each sail, take bets, and release. Wager categories include distance, style, altitude, and bounce. Facial expression scores extra points. Could be combined with Baby Catching Contest.

The Erik Eck Wannabe Contest: Ya line up a few dozen big guys flying big kites in big wind. Ya sets an infant beside each guy, who then hands his kite to the infant. First kid to clear the bridge . . . the DALLES bridge . . . wins.

Put big honkin' PFDs on the kids. Set 'em out in the barge lanes. Get your cameras ready for the Best Barge Pilot Facial Expression Contest.

Have a contest to see which tourist kid can crawl across the sand bar quickest on a gusty weekend day among the beginner kite lessons. Immediately after that fake contest, have the REAL contest: Best Tourist Facial Expression as an expert kiter carves a 600 pound roast pig with his kite lines from 50 feet away.

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isobars · Joined: 12 Dec 1999 Posts: 20935

The wind's not blowing. Whaddaya expect ... sanity?

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isobars · Joined: 12 Dec 1999 Posts: 20935

Hee, hee . . . it's why we moved here. There are nursing jobs here, ya know . . .

The swell hit 12 feet Sunday, according to a long-time local full-time sailor.

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LAWLER · Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 3:24 pm Post subject: it ain't kid friendly

Let your small child or toddler run around a bunch of sailing gear and wait for the big gust to clobber them with a mast or sail, or how about letting your kid jump up and down on that tight rope cable in the lawn....as the boards and sails grind underneath it. and the adult just thinks it's cute as the child giggles about it.

isobars · Joined: 12 Dec 1999 Posts: 20935

I may have saved a child's life by telling it sternly (gently hadn't worked) to stop playing on a stranger's rigged, untethered sail quivering in 30-40-mph winds 30 feet upwind of a brick building. The parents' only reaction was strong anger because I had hurt little Johnny's feeeelings. Even after I explained what watermelons do when flung against brick walls, and what damage a kid can do to someone's sail, their only concern was little Johnny's feeeeelings. I'd sure hate to know that spoiled little turd 15 years down the road. Let me guess; their name was Lohan, Hilton, Spears, Pryor, or Vick.

Even the many immigrants at our park, legal and illegal alike, usually keep their children off our gear; these parents were windsurfers, rigging their own sails while Johnny played Russian roulette on someone else's sail!

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tetiaroaxx · Joined: 06 Oct 2015 Posts: 225

motherofjehu · Joined: 04 Sep 1998 Posts: 17

Has anyone looked at the association between shitty diapers and river nose? Seems like a great graduate student project.